


Mama Gemma

by SandM1827



Series: Son Shine [7]
Category: Sons of Anarchy, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-10 23:32:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4412174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandM1827/pseuds/SandM1827
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Honestly, she thought she would look down at the infant and feel…more.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mama Gemma

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> The title...I couldn't think of one. The gif sets this whole series originated from was called Mama Gemma (I've since changed it all to Son Shine, now that it's a verse.) Since this part is focused solely on Stiles & Gemma's relationship, I thought might as well use the original title.
> 
> Like in Brotherhood Comes First, each page break signifies a different point in time.  
> Stiles is referred to as Nate/Nathaniel in most of this, because it was before the name change that made him Stiles.  
> I might add more on to this later, in another chapter.

Honestly, she thought she would look down at the infant and feel…more. There was a distance, a disconnect, that had followed her throughout her pregnancy. She hoped it might go away when she held him for the first time, but it hadn’t.

With Jax and Thomas, she felt an overwhelming amount of love from the moment she found out she was pregnant. That love only increased tenfold by the time they were born. She had looked forward to every second she carried her boys inside of her and everyday she got to raise them.

It was different with this baby. There was love, but it felt hollow, as if it was only there because she was supposed to feel it. He had troubled her throughout the duration of her pregnancy. There were so many complications that it was amazing he was born healthy. She resented him for that, she realized, because Jax and Thomas had been so sick when they were born.

“Gemma,” Even John’s voice was not enough to pull her gaze from the infants face. “We need to talk about this, about him.”

“No.” There was nothing to talk about.

“He’s my son.” Yes, they had known for all of a day, but had suspected it for months. “I want to be in his life. I _will_ be in his life.”

“I know.” John was a good man. Of course, he would want to have an active role in his child’s life.

“We need to sit down and work out a visitation schedule.” That would be the smart thing to do in this situation.

“No.” She reached out a hand to caress the baby’s cheek with her index finger. “We don’t need a schedule.”

“Gemma-“

“You should take him.” She suggested calmly. “Take him home with you.”

“You would let him live with me?” He asked hopefully. “And you would have him on weekends and holidays?”

“No.” She did not need weekends or anything else. “You take him.”

“I don’t understand.” He furrowed his brows in confusion. “What kind of visitation are you thinking about?”

“I don’t want visitation.” She turned away from the infant to look John in the eye, making her wishes very clear. “Take him home with you. Be a good dad.”

“Is this a trick?”

“No tricks, sweetheart.” However, she could understand how he could jump to that conclusion. “I’ll have my lawyer send you custody papers.”

“I would never keep him from you, Gemma.” He assured her.

“I know.” He may not agree with her lifestyle, but he would not use it to push her from their son’s life. “I raised my boys already. Clay and I, this is our time. Having a child isn’t in our plans.”

“That is the excuse you are going with?” He obviously didn’t buy it. “He’s a baby, not a dog you picked up from the shelter that you decided you didn’t want.”

“I know what he is.” She had given birth to him. She knew exactly what he was. “He is _ your_ son.”

“Maybe you should take a little while to think about it.” No one ever accused John Stilinski of being unreasonable.

“I don’t need to think about it.”

“What happens when you change your mind?” He questioned as if it were a sure thing, something that would undoubtedly happen somewhere down the line. “How old will he be when you decide you want to be his mom? Is this some sort of post-partum depression thing? You can get help for that.”

“No." She didn't know what it was. She just knew that child did not belong to her, not like Jax did, and not like Thomas had.

“It has to be something, Gemma.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, accentuating his frustration with her. “Letting go of a child goes against the very nature of who you are.”

“Stop questioning it, Johnny.” She cupped his face in her palm and placed a kiss to his cheek. “Be a good dad.”

* * *

 

She entered Jax’s house with the sole purpose of dragging him out of bed. They had allowed his break-up induced depression to go on for far too long. If she ever saw Tara again she would rip her goddamn heart out for putting her son in such a state.

“He’s not in there.” Donna stopped her as she made a beeline toward the bedroom.

“What?” The last she heard he was still confined to his bed, rotting in his own filth. “He’s up? How did you manage that?”

“Secret weapon.” She jerked her head toward the kitchen. “They’re out back.”

She sent the younger woman a dubious look as she made her to the open back door. Opie was leaning against the door-jam, eyes locked on the scene in the yard.

Jax was sitting on the ground, looking more awake, aware, and _cleaner_ , than he had in weeks. There was a large grin on his face, light in his eyes. He caught a small ball between his hands and then tossed it back. She followed the ball, seeing it land beside a little boy too young to have the coordination to catch it. Her heart caught in her throat at the very sight of him.

He was so much bigger now than he had been when she last saw him at the hospital over a year ago. He was walking, tottering around barefoot in the freshly cut grass. He was talking, babbling nonsensically, as if he and Jax were carrying on a conversation. He had big brown eyes and a head of wild dark hair. And his smile, god, it was bright and beautiful, identical to her Thomas’s.

“John let us borrow him for the day.” Opie explained, giving her a thoughtful look. “Jax saw him and Tara was forgotten.”

“Right.” It was that simple to pull Jax from his heartbroken stupor. The sight of his brother was all he needed to bring him back to the world.

“You knew Jax and I visited him.” Yes, Jax had made sure she knew where he would be before he left for Beacon Hills. “It can’t be that much of a shock to see them together.”

“It’s not.” It was.

It was one thing to hear about it, to know that it was happening. It was another thing entirely to see it happen with her own two eyes. To see the love these boys had for each other live and in color was mesmerizing and tragic at the same time.

“Are you going to go say hi?” Opie asked.

“No.” She stepped away from the door, effectively cutting off her view of the brothers. “I came to pull Jax out of bed, and someone has already done that, so I’m going to work.”

“Gem-“

“Leave it alone, Ope.”

* * *

 

Hosting a big breakfast at the clubhouse, the morning after a wedding, was a good idea in theory. In reality, it was a pain in the ass, because she was the one who was stuck doing most of the cooking. Normally, she loved cooking for her family, but there was so goddamn many of them. The only help she really had was from Opie’s mother Mary, who had shown up to see her son and new bride off on their honeymoon.

“That is all the pancakes.” Mary acknowledged, placing the final one on the platter. “Or, well, the last of the batter.”

“I’ll take those out, if you want to finish up the eggs.” She lifted the platter that was covered in pancakes, waffles, and french toast, before exiting the kitchen.

She made her way into the main room, setting the food on the pool table beside the other dishes. It was obvious those who had come through the clubhouse had been pilfering food before they were allowed. She was going to flip her lid if the serving plates were empty before they sat down to eat.

“We’ll get you a band-aid and you will be all good, okay?” Jax’s voice floated into the room as he came through the door, carrying his little brother on his hip.

“Okay.” Nate sniffled while Jax sat him on top of the bar and began to inspect something on the boy’s leg.

“What happened?” She joined them at the counter, seeing that her oldest son was looking at a wound on the younger’s knee.

“Just a scrape.” The boy reported, wiping away his tear tracks and puffing out his chest, trying to appear tough under her scrutiny.

“He was running around in the garage.” Jax said disapprovingly, as if he hadn’t done the same thing as a child. “Tripped over his shoelaces.”

“Ouch.” She cringed sympathetically. It wasn’t a deep, but there were rocks and pebbles coated in the blood. “Peroxide it first.”

“I know.” Her oldest waved the first aid kit in his hands. “Opie and Donna should be here soon. Are we starting breakfast when they get here?”

“Yeah.” The guests of honor had to be there before they could begin.

“Ow.” Nate hissed as Jax dabbed peroxide on the wound.

“Hey,” She tapped a manicured nail against the boys arm to capture his attention, to bring it away from what Jax was doing. “You looked real handsome last night.”

“Thank you.” He ducked his head and blushed, though a frown quickly took up residence on his lips.

Nate was the ring bearer at Opie and Donna’s wedding. He had a small kutte that declared him as such. He had done his duties dutifully during the ceremony, and then ran around the reception full of excess energy. When he finally crashed, Jax had disappeared with some gash. Nate had trudged over to where she was sitting, had leaned against her leg, and dropped his head against her knee. She had instinctively reached out to run a hand through his hair before realizing it was _him_ at her side and not one of the other club children. She had jerked away as if she’d been burned and pushed him in Piney’s direction. He crawled up and on to the older man’s lap, curled against his chest, and dozed off long before Jax had reappeared.

“Maybe you’ll get to be a ring bearer in another wedding soon.” Jax tried to focus Nate on something that didn’t put such a guarded expression on his face.

“I will.” The boy said with certainty while his eyes lit up. “Daddy is gonna ask Claudia to marry him.”

“Oh really?” Her oldest looked surprised by that information. John and Claudia had only been seeing each other for a few months. She would have thought the deputy would wait at least a year before popping the question.

“I helped him pick out the ring!” Nate beamed proudly. “Is she gonna to say yes?”

"I don’t know, buddy.” Jax shrugged. “I only met her once, but she seems really into your dad. I don’t think she will say no.”

“If she marries daddy, she’ll be, um…” He bit his lip nervously. “She’ll be my mom, right?”

“Uh,” Her son’s eyes flickered her way absently. “Yeah. Your stepmom, technically.”

“Could I call her mom?” It unsettled something inside of Gemma to hear him ask that, but she hoped it didn’t show in her demeanor.

“You would have to ask her.” Jax told him as he placed a bandage over the scrape.

“Maybe she won’t want to be my mom.” The boy mumbled in a small voice.

“Buddy,” Jax’s tone was soft and full of concern. “Why would you say that?”

“My first mommy didn’t want me.” He croaked out. “Why would Claudia?”

She never really thought about what John must have told him. Her only request had been that whatever it was, her name was left out of it. It wasn’t a full proof plan. She knew when he got older he would start asking questions. He would put the pieces together and see how exactly Jax was his big brother, and her cover would be blown.

“You want to take this one, Ma?” Her oldest questioned with a raised brow. “Give him a _mother’s_ perspective?”

“Don’t be an asshole.” She whispered low enough for only him to hear.

Jax, like John, never understood her decision to let Nate go. There was a time she hadn’t fully understood it either. She could not pinpoint as single reason, but she had a general idea.

Nathaniel was different. She had felt that while she was pregnant. She had carried him differently then she had Jax and Thomas. He was an active and problematic child in the womb. Only John’s presence seemed to settle him, which was the whole reason she chose to tell John about the possibility of Nate being his in this first place. She knew then, that she would not be the one the baby needed, not like she had been with her first two boys. There were times she would think about it and realize that could have been why she felt the need to distance herself, emotionally, from this child while he was still inside of her.

“Your first mom had no idea what she was missing out on.” Jax hooked a finger beneath the boys chin so he would meet his eye. “She made the biggest mistake of her life when she let you go. I bet she regrets it every day.”

She wondered if that was what Jax really thought, or if he was saying it for his brother’s benefit. They never talked about it. The one time he asked, she had given him the same excuse she had given John. He had not believed her anymore than John had, but he didn’t question her further.

Instead, he pushed her to accept Nate. He would make throwaway comments in her direction when the boy came to visit. He would give her the opening to admit who she was, but she would never take it. He would stop eventually, when Nate reached the age where the truth would cause him more pain, and there would be no forgiveness in sight.

“Why didn’t she want me?” There were tears swimming in the little boys eyes as he looked up to his big brother for answers. “Did I do something bad?”

“No, sweetheart.” She said before she could stop herself. “It was nothing you did.”

“Your first mom didn’t know how to take care of you.” Jax informed Nate while shooting her an inscrutable look. “So, she gave you to your dad, ‘cause she knew he could.”

Fuck if that wasn’t as close to the truth as those boys were ever going to get.

“Is that why you don’t have a daddy?” Nate asked, reaching out his hands to fiddle nervously with the patches on Jax’s kutte. “He couldn’t take care of you, but he knew your mommy could?”

“No. I had a dad and he was great.” Jax was JT’s boy as much as he was hers. Outwardly, he was such a daddy’s boy as a child, but he always came to her when he needed comfort. “He died a few years ago. That’s why I don’t have him anymore.”

“Oh.” The younger boy pulled on his brother’s leather until Jax leaned down and let Nate wrap his tiny arms around his brother’s neck. “I’m sorry.”

She watched Jax return the boys tight embrace. It was beautiful to witness, the connection between them. The conversation had started with Nate’s insecurities and ended in the child comforting his brother in a moment of grief. It was what they did, who they were and would always be. Those were _her_ boys.

* * *

 

She was working in the office at TM when they pulled up. She could see them through the open door. No one was expecting them. To the best of her knowledge, they were supposed to be off on a trip somewhere.

“Gemma,” He greeted her with a nod, entering the small room with his fingers intertwined with the younger woman at his side.

“Johnny.” She looked to the female who held a hesitant smile on her face. “It’s Claudia isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Hi.” She waved her hand somewhat awkwardly. “We haven’t officially met.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?” They had only been married two days, it was a little soon for them to be back.

“Our flight leaves later tonight.”

“Nate isn’t here.” They would have known that if they had called first. “Jax and Ope took him to the park to run off some energy.”

“We were looking for you, actually.” Well, this oughta be good. “There’s something we want to run by you.”

“I’m listening.” She leaned back in her chair to give them her full attention.

“I love Nate.” Claudia started, conviction heavy in her voice. “He’s an amazing kid. Smart, funny, adorable beyond words.”

“Where you going with this, darling?”

“I want to be his mom. I told him he could call me mom now, because he is my son.” John set a slip of paper on to the desk in front of her, as his wife continued. “I want to officially adopt him.”

“You’re his _step_ mother.” She corrected as she read over the document she had just been given. “You want me to relinquish _all_ of my parental rights to him.”

“Yes.”

“No.” She dumped the form into the trashcan. “I have work to do. So, if that was all…”

“No, that is not all, Gemma.” John snatched the paper back out of the bin. “We want you to sign this.”

“And I said no.” He knew her well enough to know she was not going to change her mind. “If I was going to give up all my rights, I would have done it after he was born.”

“Why didn’t you?” Claudia inquired suddenly. “From what I understand, you have never acted as his mother. Outside of giving birth to him, you wanted nothing to do with him.”

“That may be true,” It was true and they all knew it. “But he is still _my son_.”

“Since when?” John snapped harshly.

She had not once referred to that child as her son out loud, until now. John’s disbelief was entirely understandable in that respect. She had pushed Nate away, referring to him as John’s son or Jax’s brother, refusing to stake a claim in him.

“Gemma,” Aggravation was heavy in the man’s voice. “You have never wanted to be his mom. She does. She loves him.”

“She can play mommy as his stepmother.” She did not need to adopt him to play that role.

“Do you plan to tell him who you are, Gem?” He asked, but seemed to find the answer on her face before she could retort. “Then why is this so important to you? You don’t want him. Why does having rights to him matter to you?”

“You have a high risk job, Johnny.” Being a deputy, even in a small town, had its risks. “If something were to happen to you, Nathaniel would be placed with his next of kin. In this case, that would be his birth mother, who is still in the picture, custodial rights or not. He would not go to his stepmother.”

“You want to keep your rights to him, because on the off chance that I get killed in the line of duty, you would get custody of him?” He summarized incredulously. “You don’t want him, Gemma! You don’t want him now, why the hell would you want him then?”

“I would rather care for him, then let some stranger raise my flesh and blood.”

* * *

 

She had not expected John to let him come back, not after what she had done at Claudia’s wake. She assumed he would make Jax and Ope go to Beacon Hills if they wanted to see their little brother. She had been more than surprised to see him show up at TM a few weeks later, looking a little worse for wear, to drop the boy off with Jax.

He had seen her watching from the office, a dark expression had crossed his face. He left their son with his brothers before confronting her. He had told her, in no uncertain terms, to keep her distance. She had plenty of chances to come clean about who she was to Stiles before, and she had no idea the damage she had done by giving up that information at Claudia’s funeral of all places. He made it clear that she wasn’t to be alone with his son, to speak with him or anything. If Stiles wanted to speak to her, he would. The boy had to make the first move, not her.

The club was in on it too. If she and Stiles happened to be in the same room together, a club member would appear, give her a disapproving look, and whisk the boy away. They even recruited the new kid in their scheme. It would have been sweet if Piney hadn’t cornered the kid not long after he had shown up to tell him about the metaphorical restraining order in place between she and Stiles. Since then, the teenager would place himself strategically in front of Stiles if she came in to the room. She attempted to glare him into submission the first few times, just on the principal of it, but he seemed to be more scared of the Sons than he was of her and refused to budge.

With John’s warning and the club acting as guard dogs, she had no choice but to stand down. Even she could admit that she had caused her youngest son emotional turmoil by showing up at the wake and speaking her truth. Anything she said to him now would only fall on deaf ears, and do more harm than good.

So, she waited him out. She stayed away until he came to her. It took the whole summer, but eventually he made his way to her side. He’d come to her while she was in the office. Jax had followed, as if he was afraid to leave them alone unsupervised, but Stiles had shut the door in his face before he could join them.

“Hi.” He addressed her stoically when it was just the two of them.

“Hi.” She echoed back cautiously. “Shouldn’t you be waiting for your dad?”

“I wanted to talk to you before I go home.” He didn’t curl in on himself, like he had done every other time he had seen her during this visit. He clapped his hands on his hips and stood a little taller, trying to appear older than his eight years.

“Okay.” She pushed the receipts she was working on aside to give him her undivided attention. “Say what you need to say, son.”

“I’m not your son.” He told her in a clipped tone. “Dad and Jax explained it to me.”

“What exactly did they tell you?” Both Jax and John knew better than to lie to the kid. He was too damn perceptive.

“You were my first mom. That’s why Jax is my brother. I came from you.” That was probably the easiest way to explain a complicated situation to a child his age. “They said you couldn’t take care of me, so you let dad take me.”

“But?” If he was here now it meant he didn’t believe what they told him, not completely anyway.

“It’s a lie.” He said definitively. “You didn’t want me. Dad did.”

“Nathaniel-“

“My name is Stiles.” He declared swiftly. “You aren’t my mom. I had a mom. She loved me. She wanted me to be her son. Y- you don’t.”

“I just wanted you to know that you still had a mother.” It didn't justify what she had done, she doubted anything ever could in his mind.

“I don’t still have a mom. She’s gone.” His breath hitched at the admission. “You don’t get to take her place. You don’t get to change your mind. Okay?”

“Okay.” She lied, simply because it was what he needed to hear.

He turned his away from her, back toward the exit, prepared to leave.

“I think, a long time ago, I wanted you to be my mom.” His fingers grasped the doorknob as his voice quivered. “But you didn’t want to be.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re lying again.”

**Author's Note:**

> [TUMBLR](http://www.stilinski-ortiz.tumblr.com/)  
> [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/user/SandM1827/)  
>  Thank you for all the comments and kudos, they are greatly appreciated.


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